and i really opened my golden mouth to ask what my sis told me to!
for jan's trip but tough la!!! hahahahhaa
anw it was a nice 'mornin' call at 5pm! HAHAHAA
out with family n relatives at sembawang..
been very long since we all gathered..
the last time was when russell n i treated all to dinner at chinatown..
hot topic on soccer n aunt asked me if i wanted to join her..
rejected cos i don really watch soccer! HAHAA
reached home n darling ly msn me..
askin where m i..
i was about to go amk to look for her cos i knew she needed someone but instead she cab down..
stayed at my place til abt 1 and she was ranting to me..
but well i hope u feel much better babe!
kamal the indian and marcus the stranger dropped by my place after ly left..
cos very last min i needed the samples back.
im super sorry dude but really thank you for helpin me to travel to collect it all the way from west coast..
appreciate it alot..
home sweet home n was hoggin on the phone for abt 3.5hrs..
been so long since we last chatted for so long.. <3
nice one and from the 2nd half onwards, i jus kept laughin non stop!!
HAHAHHAA idiot! i gonna make u SEE all the SMS-es later tonight!
and i so wanna see so many things which u promised to show me!
and i really hope to watch some shows soon!!
hopefully tonight! some good ones!
its 7.46am and im sooooooooo gonna hit the sack NOW!
my bio clock is screwed!
gonna wait for sis's sms and decide on wat time to head out to meet her!
gotta leave slightly earlier cos needa go central check hp price..
all the way there!!! urghhhhhh hahahahahhahahahhaaa
maybe its time to put a fullstop to it?
sometimes im still havin mixed feelings.
donno if i should go back or jus a fullstop?
sigh...
sometimes it jus feels not worth to help people.
the more i help the more they blame me when they are tied down.
if that's wat they think, there's nothin i can do but i have all the evidence.
controlling all the way from 7pm til 3am..
til an extend i couldnt take it and decided to call c when i saw him online..
the moment he answered, i think i broke down.
started swearing n i bet this was the first time he heard me swearing..
cos i dont like to curse n swear in front of people..
on n off i was very worried..
texting sue ann and she was very nice to calm me down..
cant ask people cos non will uds wat am i sayin so other then c who knows almost everything, i could only confine in him, sue ann, sister, tat n la..
as i was askin c what should i do, la finally called..
immediately i hung up the phone with him n returned the call...
and once again i broke down.
more of heart pain when i heard what happened.
i didnt know this was the way they felt cos things were alright then.
nobody complained of unhappiness.
met yy for late dinner today cos i haven taken a proper meal since ytd..
shirley called n she joined us tgt with her frens ar 925..
mayb this is life..
if thats wat they wan, theres nothin i can do...
and today yy told me something..
dont cos of wat i said and mayb cos of face, i really mark my words.
he's not the first to tell me that..
but sometimes i jus feel its not meant to be..
screwed bio clock..
i slept at 11am on wed mornin n woke up at 9.30pm in the night.
then went back to bed at 2am n then woke up at 5.30am jus now..
now i jus cant get back to slp..
tho i hope the trip will come through, i doubt it will..
can those who read or seen this blog please let me know u did so?
cos honestly i donno who is reading and whose not..
hahaha cos from wat i know i stopped giving my blog url to people but jus curious wanting to know who knows about it..
thanks thanks! will appreciate it tonnes! =)
long day today..
i jus reached home not long ago and its 6am now..
gotta meet children at 3 at bugis..
reached home at 10am this morning..
shag out!! couldnt slp at all til the alarm rang when c was supposed to wake up for work..
thats when i finally got to sleep.. hahahaa
jialat.. switched off the com n tv to slp but i couldnt slp in the end..
after he slept, i went to on hachiko and watch!
a nice n touching show!!
thumbs up!!
and i knew i was about to g... .. ...
sometimes i jus hate myself for being so soft hearted... urghhhhhh
omg whats happening?
finally met my dearest sister..
someone whom i would say missed quite abit..
used to see her almost everyday but now as life got us busy, we met up rarely..
but it was a nice catch up...
heart to heart talk i would say and she never fails to be there whenever i needed her..
i know sister don have my blog but thanks sis!!!
love u to bits!
same applies to my kiddos and tat!
was supposed to meet shirley but i tot was cancelled cos she didnt contact me til late..
so i agreed to meet ls baby n indian after dinner with sister..
but somethings started to cock up and things happened..
met up with la to settle everything and from what we all guessed, he was the FUCKING BASTARD WHO REPLIED EVERY SINGLE THING!
what a fucker!
all out jus to spoil this friendship.
fuck off from my life and im really waitin for the day karma comes knockin on his door!
i'll be the first to pop the champagne and get ALL MY GUYS for major celebration!
jus wait and see.
step on my tail and i make sure u suffer!
but i've learnt my lesson..
rem the feeling and never be soft hearted anymore.
i will slowly learn and have people constantly remindin me..
i'll make sure the fucker never touch my people else i will make sure his life is full of shit.
fucking cb. knn
finally indian came to pick me up..
lucky man.. cos i really wanted to meet up with him n ls..
cos its been quite some time since i last met them..
more than 2 weeks!!!
thanks kamal for the lift home!!!!
ls lets do tako ball soon!!!!
=)
finally a good sleep...
i thank god for:
- wonderful children like yy n trina who accompanied me all the way..
- sue ann mummy who was always there when i needed a listening ear.
- shirley daughter whom i know is always appreciative and willing to help..
- indian who cherish the partnership..
- sister amanda who trust me and really helped me alot..
- tat who helped me all this while when i was absent from office..
- dee who stand by me for all these 16 yrs..
- uncle for always wanting to make things tough for me but with good intention to open up myself and to build up my confidence..
back from my short getaway..
a good one..
not as fruitful as my previous ones cos was on super duper tight budget..
but its the company that matters..
the last time i travelled with dee was like 6yrs ago..
back on wed night and went to meet children and shirley that night..
passed them krispy creme and catch up..
after much persuasion from tat n yy, i decided to go back on fri to help out a little.
but i treated tt bastard transparent.
so superficial..
i uds tat's situation when i heard what people talked about him.
tried to help out but was tough.
i know u r tryin to change bro but ppl always look at the surface.
so long as we all know u did ur best, u don have to worry ok?
things will fall nicely into place when the time is right..
misunderstandings worsen.
wonder if its a good or bad thing..
everyone in the other clique knows about it..
and started teasing about it.. omg..
people who knows me well will know i am super afraid of such things..
but luckily i don see them often.
but a wanna bring sis down on tue or fri..
and actually i didnt wan to take the responsibility cos i know she will be one of them to tie me down..
usually i'll be more than happy to take up the responsibility but not now cos prob is not settled.
and i know very well that frens/couples/family cannot work tgt.
i don wanna experience a second time..
sigh.. what should i do man.
i don even know what's the answer from my heart but i nv fail to ans the calls/sms tho sometimes i really told myself to ignore everything..
but i still cant..
even in malaysia.. i was partly happy that i saw the 3 missed calls and i gladly returned it back n chatted for awhile n the next day askin for advise which should i get!
and when i heard what happened from my girl when i was out of sg, my heart soften once again.
thinkin if i should give a call to give care n concern.
but when she reminded me of wat happened jus few days back, blood started to boil..
and unknowingly i was secretly laughing at her plight in my heart.
tellin myself its karma..
what a human i am.. and from then on i decided to move on..
after speakin to both andrew n tat, i jus felt so low..
at certain point, jus felt like breakin down.
yes, cry baby.
but i jus controlled.
i din wan such things to happen..
really, but i got no choice but to jus do it..
leavin u guys all alone is not what i really wanted to do..
i know i gave u guys, esp andrew who's my 12 yrs of fren the promise.
i know i failed to deliver it but i really got my reasons..
i really wanted to attend AS this sat.
but i jus couldnt bring myself to the rock.
the barrier in me, the thoughts in me.
andrew told me one thing.. if i don go, he wont wan to go too.
pls bud.. jus go.. go n enjoy urself..
after so long, this will be my first time not attending..
like what my msn nick says..
the closest person is the one whom hurts you the most. best sol is NOT to be close to anyone at all..how true i find it..
sometimes i jus wished i wasnt born onto this earth..
so i wont be having so much problems..
and sigh.. did not get to meet up this week at all.
shit...
anw i don wanna bother anymore..
and u seem not to be bothered at all..
since u cant be bothered, so be it la..
im sick n tired of it alrd.
when people needed help esp those who are closer to me, i will always do my best to help them..
be it family prob, personal prob or matters of the heart.
but when i needed someone to pour things, who can i ever find?
my finger still hurts..
sigh... and after cooling down...
am thinkin if i was a little too harsh n unreasonable jus now..
but well... mayb i jus donno how to communicate with u nicely..
like wat i said.. 1 out of 100 times we can talk nicely..
the rest are all nonsense.
yucks.
and i jus got to know they were over at sister's house last night.
freak. doubt andrew knows it.
but well, its alright..
jus lucky that i didnt bump into them last night when i was at hougang.
i really wanna let go...
fuck it and jus lead my life..
but i doubt i can do so..
kept thinkin and thinkin about it almost every day, hr and sec.
shit man.
maybe im jus not used to it.
i really hope my heart can be trained to become as hard as diamond!
cos from what i know, diamond is the hardest object on earth.
am i right? HAHAHHAA
and at the same time, will my prayers be answered?
sigh...
been praying and praying and praying..
almost every time when i think of it...
but i jus hope i can get over it and overcome myself!
JIAYOU RACHEL!
god damn pissed.
jus not my day!
sometimes i cannot take it when people kept arguing..
com was down..
pissed off..
and i burn my finger.
how nice.
supposed to collect somethings but end up didnt manage to collect.
argh...
pissed la..
gao lat...
jus reached home like half an hr ago..
firstly, happy birthday to my beautiful mom!
love u loads tho she donno about my blog! HAHAA
wha lao eh.. 1 game of mj took us near 4hrs!
terrible! hahahaa
pauline sent me home but 30mins later indian called n met up with him again..
went to the coffee shop near lisan's place.
caught up quite abit..
and it feels so good..
its 7.30am now and i still cant get to sleep..
oh well..
my timing is so scred recently.. hahaa
how i wish time could come to a halt.
missing certain days... whereby i felt so carefree..
i finally understood through the hard way.
c always wanted me to have a good break for myself but i never once gave myself this chance.
always givin him so many lame excuses..
he would stare at me and TSK me when i met up with him but still settling my work stuffs in the middle of the night..
been at least a yr since we last met n chill til so late.
last time 3 of us used to eat subway tgt at amk hub!
hahahaa tot of bowling too!
soon! HAHAHA and i sudd pop the idea of goin jb for seafood feast!
who's interested?
open to all!!!
it'll be so good if we can all go for a road trip.. ahahaaa
i'll definitely make time for it! HAHA
talkin about road trip..
tml marks a yr since i first went on an impromptu roadtrip to kl n genting with boss kent, lala, nigel, elijah and shirley.
so fun! hahahahaa
and we have been meetin so little recently!
how saddening! HAHAHA
anw... jus felt like thankin some people...
boss kent for always hearing my ranting tho he's always neutral..
baby lisan for always accommodating to my f up timing..
indian for the friendship and always accommodating to my f up timin too.. also for tryin to arrange meet ups jus to catch up..
c.. for always being there tho i don tell u much.. givin u lame excuses that i'll tell u when i see u.. for being a c tho sometimes u r really fucked up! sometimes i don mean it but sometimes i jus donno how to communicate with u... im sorry darling..
gay for who he is! someone whom i can share things with freely..
shirley for buyin my facial wipes and ur sincere friendship!
dee for giving me this opportunity once again to travel with dearest. =)
trina n andrew.. my darlings whom i need not talk yet uds everything.. i know i let u guys down the most.. im sorry but i really love u guys deep down..
some people knows whats happening around me..
and so they don question and jus appreciate the time spent tgt..
thanks guys.
u guys rocks big time!
what if i say . ..... . .... .. .... .... ... ?
i know i shouldnt... but why am i feeling in such a way...
help me.. will you?
wed was nice meeting up with py, ls, sl, shawn, samuel (their fren), john, kamal n marc..
dinner at popeye til they closed..
home sweet home after tt.. hahahaaa
fri met gay!!
this freakin guy called at the wrong timing..
i was on the phone n he called n i told him i'll call him back..
didnt know he wanted to ask me out for dinner n when i called him back he told me i was a min late!
he jus told his dad to packet dinner for him..
he tot i was working! HAHAHA
but still we met for catch up n he had his rd 2 dinner!
now waitin for indian to pick me to py's hse for a game of mj! hahaa
sry yy n trina...
gotta reject u children for mj last night..
hmmmm somehow or rather was quite disappointed..
wanted to go very much ytd but didnt go too..
cos was alittle pissed n im worried it would be weird.
hahahahaa
and it was a nice catch up with nikki!!
baby deon is gonna arrive soon and i cant wait to meet him my dear! =)
next time we'll have an additional joy when travelling tgt!
hahaha
dearest lin called to confirm our trip..
but now it doesnt depend on us but the rooms available..
hopefully the ans will be out soon!
KAMAL AND PEIYE IS SUPER LATE LA!
FUCKING HELL!
FUCKING DU LAN!
I SWEAR I GONNA BE FIRM FROM NOW ONWARDS!
FUCKING HELL!
FUCKING DU LAN!
hopefully malaysia trip will come through..
really really need a break..
and this time round with darling lin..
hehee.. was a sudden one but well, we love travelling tgt!
was so surprised to receive a call.
but i was so damn shock..
omg omg omg..
should i go? if i go n kana sabo how?? hahaaa
but well, i didnt cut my hair tho...
really wanted to reborn n cut it short.
i does that when im down..
impulsive move.
when i first step into salon, i told them..
they all scolded me crazy..
hahaa... and i tot of wat u said..
quite logical...
had a bad nightmare last night..
sigh.......
really wonder if i should answer truthfully about my nick...
and today everyone was questioning me..
hahahaa the bet which i announced since young..
hahahaa i donno wats the outcome.
and the answer i think only u can answer it.
since u said u can read me! LOL =P
what if i say . ..... . .... .. .... .... ...?
why is it always making me think of the question and consequences?
argh....
flashback kept coming back...
is it a good or bad sign?
was at popeye..
suddenly my msg beep..
my heart skipped a beat when i realised the first alphabet starts with "L".
a part of me wants her to come find me and ask me whats wrong but on the other part, i really felt like avoiding because of the reality and the people im responsible for.
then i came to a sign of relief when i realise its a text from my dearest lin!
my childhood fren..
her mom invited me to kl and genting with them.
might be goin ba...
missed korea times with her babe! =)
not long after tt my phone rang..
and again my heart seems to stop beating when i realised its her.
hesitating if i should ans.
and again, i avoided..
passed the phone to peiye and i avoided the call..
as i am typing this, i received a text from her..
a long one and i jus couldnt control my tears..
there are jus so many things..
i always wanted to show ppl my strong front but i donno y, i always failed to do so.
breakin down in front of so many ppl before..
fuck it man.
when the text came in, i had this stong feeling its from her and true enough its her..
as i was lookin for my phone, my heart jus kept beating furiously.
i hate it when you use the hard way.
i will f hell dig out and return everything.
i will means i will.
dont force me to my wits end.
there are so many things which i really wanted to share with u.
even when i had the long champ deal..
knew u like it so much n really wanted to buy for u but i know its not the time.
why is all these happening..
lucky i was out today else i will jus break down.
mummy... where are u?
really really need u..
while thinkin wat to do i was thinkin of the beach at melbourne and galveston.
the very calm feeling...
felt like goin to a beach to sort out my feelings..
tot of askin someone to go with me..
i have someone in mind but i know u will keep questioning..
and it stopped me..
like my nick.. it was referring to u n no one else except u came to ask me..
and of cos i tried to change topic again..
i knew u didnt like it but u know i gotta overcome myself and be comfortable before saying it to u.
sigh... im sorry.
i really need someone whom i can talk to freely.
aunt kelly... where r u?
mummy sue ann where r u??
avoiding u is something which i really hated doing so much.
and something i can never do it..
but now is the period where i really couldnt take it anymore.
yet u used the hard way.
and i fuckin cannot stand it.
i had an extremely bad nightmare on the night before i went down.
and true enough, i jus walked off at 9pm.
even ignoring my sis for the very very first time talkin to her in such a f up tone.
sorrry darling sis!
i donno if anyone is still reading this blog.
whoever is reading it, pls do not question me unless u r really close to me.
and i really love mon night.
the way we communicated.
wha lao eh.
this time super gaolat!
my nose blocked til super jialat!
wha the espresso is not fun!
i couldnt slp throughout the night!
even when i reached home ard 10am this mornin i couldnt slp!!!!!
and now its only 4pm and im awake!
wth! was searching for flu medicine but THERE IS NONE!
cant believe my hse don even have any!
which kind soul gonna pass me their flu medicine?
i don wanna see doc!
ytd was great meeting up with baby ls! HAHAHAHA
been so long since we met up!!
penisular -> cini -> 313 -> ion!
last min decision to chill at starbucks!
hahahahaa
and when im abt to leave decided to drop by amk for awhile!
and well, i answered very honestly to everything alrd.
i kept to my word!
hahahahaa but i learnt alot!!!
TEACH ME LAO YING!
hahahahaa but really very surprised u know so much.
but at the same time, SCARY!
still wan me to do full ppt for u n ur cousin..
omg...
wanted to watch alvin the chipmunk 2..
BUT THERE WERE SO MUCH DISTRACTIONS!
arghhhhhhh!
