had nightmares while sleepin again.. once again she came into the dream. wtf!!! but i cant rem the content.. i know it will definitely become dejavu. sian MAX.
had a nice long chat last night with mummy. meeting her next week i guess! so nice to chat with her for like over an hr on the phone! haahahaa..
somehow, sudd i realise that the trust is no longer there. and i felt really skeptical when i received the text today. wat's more? i received the text not long after i reached JD's boutique. and also the scariest part was trina and i dreamt abt her the night before. how coincidental could it be when both of us dreamt of the same person on the same night?
so many thoughts runnin through my mind. if u were sincere or had some motives back in ur mind. i hate myself for having such thoughts but well i guess im jus afraid. dont wan history to repeat. tho it really hurts to decide to leave.. and when im determined, dreams start to come back and nice messages starts to come in.
its not something which i really want it to happen. and even her sis called askin me wat happened. missing the great old days but all i could do is to reminisce the past. and i guess its really time to let go. keep it all deep down in my heart. goodbye my dearest sister, my friend. i guess this is what god had arranged long time ago..
morning people.. slept at 3am and woke up at 7.30am automatically. when i surf fb, i realised u removed me from favourites. nice one. for a moment, i really believed wat tat told me about wat u said. yes i admit tho i have been tellin myself, tat, amanda n children i don care and i cant be bothered. sis n trina was the first to declare i don mean wat i said. some on my fb some on i think their walls.
stupid. naive. betrayed. yes and i believe wat ss told me. if tis is really how a best fren should treat each other. and all he needed to use is to make me compare with his ex n the best fren. i will and i must get over it. are u really sincere? i really donno. but i am always wavering whenever u play ard with words. really.
i feel sis being unhappy these days. for all that happened. she's troubled with money.. i am too and so many more.. sigh.. i'll do my best sister.. i will.. i really will.. i hope u trust me and that this "sistership" is not worth only the amt of cashflow.. for u r really someone who helped me walked out of the past alot. and i really really thank god for u. i really really appreciate everything u had done. the talks, the time, the lunch, the dinner, the hang out n etc! i will really do my best. i will. and i mustn't be greedy anymore. i donno if u think im bullshitting, but i swear everything is the truth. else i would not have shared so much things with u which nobody knew. thanks sis for everything. i really mean it. really.
do u really mean wat u said? u will be a little more free after aug 20... i really hope so for i do miss those days. our communication lvl dropped alot but sometimes the way u speak, the way u handle things, the way u give me solutions, the way u being my listening ear and the way u argue back with me never fail to brighten my day. n i really hope to watch my shows soon.
when i heard wat u said in chinese, i felt so sian. wheh i heard abt the long rod catch big fish, i felt u were like makin use of me. and i really hated it. do u even mean wat u said? or u are jus tryin to disturb me like wat u did 2 weeks back? hmmmm.. a penny of thoughts. where's my holiday trip u wanted to sponsor me? so so so many more things!..
anw thinkin of bakin some cookies for dearest people who might be comin over on sat. also one jar for sis and one for ss. not forgetting i will have some for trina, andrew, shirley, tat, sa mummy and m daddy. hopefully i dont procrastinate myself and not bake like wat i used to.
fri was a great great day.. met up with my dearest peeps whom i love tonnes! sister recommended to have dinner over at katong.. was nice and cheap cos we were on budget.. in fact everyone was.. children joined and we were over at tat's place til morning..
was contemplating if i should go over at 3 to collect the namecards.. but i didnt cos i was really on budget.. if i cab there, it will be a min of 20 bucks. n so the call really made my day alot.. cos its been like almost 4 days.. and it seems like sudd there were so many updates..
i really didnt know ss was stuck at chinatown point for at least 30mins while speakin to me in the evening cos i jus couldnt make the decision! if i should meet him to collect it but i didnt cos i really wanted to have dinner with sister n the rest! i tot he was on his way so i jus continued talkin til i found out when i reached roxy square tt he was still stuck at chinatown point. LOL im so so so so so duper sorry!
sat was boring cos i felt so painful when infection came haunting me back.. went breakfast with tat n children then to the doc. but no doc was in n had to wait til 2.30pm the earliest. so went home n tried to slp.. when i woke up due to the pain it was 3pm n it was pouring like cat n dogs.. so i skipped the doc..
sun (today) met up with darling ly.. cos i knew she needed a listening ear =) caught up and i knew SO much things! expected la.. hahahaa no wonder u dont dare to bet with me the $700 meal cos im damn sure i will win! =P ly treated me to mani n pedi classic.. thanks babe! decided to ask nicole to join in cos been 2 weeks since we met up.. or even longer?? and usually when we meet up is to settle the jerk's prob. today's meet up is to catch up! totally love it!
o yeah! as i was leavin amk central after dinner, i bump into gay! wow he really own me HELL lots of explanations! HAHAHAA he wanted to join darling n me at amk hub but i rejected him.. whahhahahaa might give him a call later instead.. omg........ i jus cant believe who i saw him with jus now lor.... but he's really a buddy whom i can speak almost freely with.. LOL
home and ss called me while on his way home.. like wat i told him, sometimes i really donno if i should be telling him all these.. urgh.. cos at this point of time, i donno who can be trusted u know? but i always ended up tellin him after a bit of persuasion.. i hope u r alright =))
and u r really a lao ying.. i tried to catch the flaws.. but still i failed so terribly! omg!! i can never win! WHY!!!!! talk as if u know me so well lor!! how can! im sooooooooo gonna beat u when i see u later! whahahaaa
sometimes i wonder how have u been, my dearest used to be sister. have u been eating well, taking care of urself n not let urself get sick so easily. have u been drinkin ur mom's black herbal chicken soup n her herbal drinks. cos u r so prone to illness.. and i wonder if he's treating u well.. but i know we r no longer like wat we used to be. those days when we were so close as buddies.. well, i guess i jus have to accept it and move on.
sch starting later.. sigh... and i hope nothin will go wrong...........
jus came back from doc not long ago.. mom and aunt made a fuss of me not goin to the doc for so damn long.. and spent a bomb there once again.. sigh...
on nimegen.. been telling dr kelvin i dont wan any pills until the very last resort.. and as it seems that its becoming from bad to worst, i got no choice but to consume it.. side effects will kick in real soon.. lips cracking will be another nightmare for me soon... and i really hate it... dry nose which i experienced only when i was in houston..
when i reached home, ss called.. hahaha and i was really surprise.. cos it was really early.. tot it was abt the namecards for john.. but nope.. jus for fun.. hahahaa
anw had really really bad dream recently.. i hope all is fine and shirley bump into kent today at amk!! wow!!!! but i wasnt there!! i was supposed to meet ly there for dinner but we postponed to weekends! else i would see boss and i will definitely tease him! whahahahahahhaha and he kup my phone saying no recept! idiot!!!!!
and i guessed all along u have been making use of me.. treating me as a sparetyre whereby no one else is free to acc u then u come lookin for me.. when u need my help u look for me cos u know i wont reject.. and when u needed a listening ear u would look for me. thanks man n i think its time for me to wake up else i will be wasting tonnes of time and effort on u.
and btw i hope tat is fine. saw wat he texted me and sister, trina n i immediately knew it will be another hell night for him once again... never give up!
wow.. i was so damn bored and i found this on youtube! a piece of song which i played with fellow handbell peeps at nps. missing the great old times but too bad i cant find sukiyaki! LOL
why have she changed so much? i don seem to know u anymore.. really... maybe im blind for the past 7yrs.. had a heart to heart talk with sis over dinner at amk tis evening.. spoke abt everything.. and i agree with her status.. does ur life only consist of u, ur bf n money? we all know the ans..
why have u become so heartless? one shot u can piss so many people off. at least 4 people. u became so scary..
yes i cursed and sweared. hoping it will happen n on the other side i hope it doesnt.. but i decided to let go.. sometimes i still tell myself i gotta thank her.. else i wont even get to know wonderful ppl like my dearest sis, shirley, tat, glendon, michael, mt, trina, andrew whom i know more more than 10 yrs.. it always feels so warm to chat with sis and we can chat anything under the sun!
too many things to handle.. ss, have u been blown away with the wind? sigh... jus when i needed u so badly now.. actually i donno if u have my link.. so im quite scared cos its been at least 3yrs since i gave ppl my link other than dearest aunt kelly in houston!
the other day i had terrible mood swing cos i was so damn affected.. jus when i was abt to hang up n ans ur call i received ur text tt u wanna slp.. i uds cos its alrd 4am i think.. but i've got so much to tell u.. and there r jus so many shows i wanna watch!
or maybe its time to bid goodbye? i donno.. initiative?
after much consideration.. i decided to bid goodbye to my 15 mths of sweat, pain & love.. still it fills up a special place deep down in my heart.. but i promise not to look back. never again..
i don exactly not gain anything out of it.. instead i gain a group of really good friends.. and i love u guys to bits! esp my darling sister and daughter..
i really thank god for u, 1m salmon. really... i know u have no obligations to help me but u still did.. tho u might not be able... sry for makin u wait over the phone for so long when my lady boss was on the other line. sorry but really... w/o u im nothin.. u helped me so much.. how to tackle how to handle.. thanks!
thanks darling for helpin me.. really din expect u to help me too.. but i hope u will feel much better in time to come.. overcome tt jerk. he's jus a jerk. fuck care him okay?
thank u mummy for helpin me. even tho u got scolded.. sorry about it but really thanks for keepin me sane all the time.. thanks and i love u!
thanks trina and amanda for always being there to listen.. for the great listenin ear.. at least i did gain smt.. gain the friendship of both of u n others..
infection is gettin better but still hurts.. sigh..
when shit happens, non of us can stop it from occurring.. trina called soundin quite pissed off and i went out to meet her to have a chat.. found out what happened and i am lost for words.
recently it has been nice chats.. and i see ss changing.. donno for the good or jus for awhile tho.. but still sometimes nice sometimes bad! urgh! where's the show, the fried rice, the trip, the treat?
mixed emotions.. received a bomb call while on my way to west coast today.. i know i couldnt leave but yet the other side is unhappy.. i cant always be satisfying u anymore.. u r no longer the person whom i know long time ago.. people been tellin me alot of stuffs.. sayin the way u treat me is really diff.. u can give me super bad attitude but yet sound so nice over sms..
seafood with sister, jason, andy, glendon and jasmine at sixth ave.. nice one.. really nice.. really love them tonnes.. had somehow a heart to heart talk with sis.. and she asked me the question.. sometimes i really wished i would... but im jus afraid..
i thank god for sister being smart thats y i told her abt it.. and im glad she shared it with me else i will really be in a lost donno what to do.. still feelin very very uncomfortable..
sometimes i donno if i should be happy.. so will u be pickin me up when im back? hehe...
it was a nice chat last night and unknowingly it was near 5am.. i didnt know and im very sure ss will oversleep.. i was really really drained out for the past few days.. mon supposed to meet ls for supper but ly had probs. so jus passed ls her things n went to meet ly... acc her til abt 130am and went over to meet ss n stayed over..
didnt slp much on tue.. donno y.. haven been sleeping well.. met up with yy trina n tat to help tat out with his mission.. din slp the whole night.. reached home at 10am and left hse again at 11+.. went to sch first then to meet them n when they went to work met up with sis n jason.. tat joined us for awhile.
realised tt many pimples popping out.. so angry.. must be due to insufficient slp n ss says im stress.. =(
woke up at 930am today.. and realised smt happened.. i was so lost, donno wat to do.. tt i immediately text ss.. tot he was awake cos usually he has to wake up at 7.30am.. waited n waited but no reply.. til i really couldnt take it n i called him.. he told me he was too tired n so he took half day off due to consecutive days of sleeping late.. told him to read the text i've sent n he immediately replied me.. telling me what to do.. calming me down... n all the possible reasons..
i was so worried when it couldnt be solved n i text sis too.. thanks sis for helpin me.. love u deep deep! when the prob happened, i really had the urge to tell ss everything.. really but still i stopped myself from doin so.. n now finally im really feelin a little better.. hoping tml will be much better..
can u not go to shanghai? =( and really hope to maintain like how we were since mon til date...
