disappointed in you, me, him & another him.
i jus don understand you gotta lie to me due to convenience.
he apologised for the lies he helped you to me.
when i heard about it, i understand y u did it but i jus don like it.
knowing me for so many years, knowing u will never lie to you, but yet i was still kept in the dark and sometimes being lied by u..
and now for i know the biggest truth, i had the biggest culture shock.
been very angry with u recently.
firstly, u jus left like this on thus night.
not onli i was but s was always very disappointed and angry.
like we had the same feeling.
u r the head and if u leave, things will not be in order.
i know it was a bad day for u, but u don seem to be able to keep ur emotions in control.
and im always the victim.
secondly, u said u wanted to tell me.
but i asked the 3rd time and u said can i not ask.
i wwas thinkin mayb u wanted to have some fun and forget about him when we were at marina barrage..
so i told mnyself its ok.. mayb u will tell me in the comin week.
i know the more i want to know, the more i don wan u to do, the more u will not tell me and the more u will do.
but am i ur best fren? i know u will say its privacy.
but i jus hope to at least know things which u always told me u would.
but yet i seem to not know alot of things.
thridly, u jus left me like tis for the sake of fun.
left me goin home alone.
i tot after u r not meeting ur frens, u will be goin home with me.
i feel u are drifting apart from me.
but y like this?
for i really hate his presence.
he seem to have taken my best away but y?
is it me or him or her?
fuck.
im fucking pissed.
for i know for sure, im always doin and giving u the best.
til people think im god.
whenever u r sick, i try to always be there though u are always sick.
it was after a joke from u and that's y i started doin so.
i know u r someone who don express urself much.
but i tot u will be a nice best who will always be sensitive towards me.
watever i heard seems true.
but wat can i do?
thanks for sharing so much with me..
i know u r sad.. but i hope it wont affect ur studies.
though u guys are no longer tgt, im still here for both of u.
i donno if any of u will appreciate the friendship between all of us, but i'll still be the annoying rach who will pester u peeps to see if u guys are free and alright..
for i know deep down, both of u r not.
im sorry for only calling u at night cos i tot u needed time to cool down.
im really upset.
the many promises we made cannot be fulfilled.
something he said last night made me even sadder.
he wanted to play mj or jus spent sometime with us and her.
cos we were so busy with proj, test and exams.
askin us out cos finally he had some time to spare.
but yet such things happen.
i donno wat's gonna happen after this post.
mayb best might be pissed. but if i don rant here, where can i rant?
there are so many things which i wanted to write it out here but i cant.
for i know an idiot reads my blog and ask many ques and cause problems between me and her.
quoted from my past post:
"SENTOSA WITH DOGGIES SOON!!!!!!
PRAWNING SOON WITH THE OTHER 3 - 5 MORE PPL!!!!!
OUR USED TO ALMOST ALTERNATE NIGHT OF MJ!!!!
OUR MALAYSIA TRIPS!!!!!!
OUR BANGKOK TRIP!!!!!
OUR DIM SUM SUPPER NEAR LAVANDER!!!!
OUR DIM SUM AT CHINATOWN WHICH WE HAVE YET TO BEEN THERE!
CIRCLE OF DEATH!!! OMG THE BEST GAME EVER!!!!!
and the list goes on......"
when will all these come truee?
i think no longer anymore..
all i want to say to my best fren is:
i know there are things u r keeping away from me.
i know u don wanna tell me things cos im bias.
but i told u before im no longer bias.
im willing to listen and accept but somehow when i talk, u will shoot me back.
for am i really that useless?
i donno if watever happened is affecting u alot.
though in appearence, u seem alright, i know deep down u r not.
all i want u to know is u are and will always be my best fren.
i jus want the best for u and the rest of the OoSG peeps cos u guys are the ones whom i appreiate alot other then other ppl outside like ls, qing n many more.
for god knows that im always givin u the best but i really hope u will be more sensitive.
u might think all these are bullshit but 3rd party knows best.
i've heard so many comments and people telling me but i choses not to listen and believe.
cos i know i made the right fren and i will not regret.
i hope u will share things with me soon.
the truth and not the lies for my previous posts, i said i hate liars and may all liars be burnt in hell.
i really appreciate and love u best.
thats for sure.
as for my gd fren whom i have always been calling boss and will cont to do so..
im sorry for not being able to tell u things when u asked me in the past.
i know u uds it and didnt wan to put me in the diff spot.
im sorry. but i hope u n the guys will still be willing to meet up with us and have supper as usual.
i know i will feel bad towards her but if i don meet u guys, i will feel even more bad towards u guys.
i really wished i can split myself up.
always there for her and u.
but im stuck.
but for sure the both of u r people whom i appreciate alot.
or rather all 6 of u.
once again, im sorry.
for my daughter, thanks gal for always being there.
u r really someone who is always there when i needed comfort.
though sometimes my attitude towards u is bad or when i made fun of u sayin u never spent time with me, u still accepted me.
cos u uds that i wasnt in the right mood.
and after since the last time i already took ur advise that i couldnt do much.
jus ignore it.
i did and i felt better cos there is really nothin i can do.
all i did was to pray pray and pray.
whenever they were quarrelling, no matter where am i i would jus secretly pray.
pray that things will be fine but i know this day will come.
and i've got to accept it.
thanks for being so nice.
mummy is always here for u.
i know u r pissed as well. but we'll work hard tgt okay? =)
im actually very pissed with myself.
for not tryin to do sufficient things to help out.
i din wan things to be worst and so i chose to sit at a corner being a coward.
all i could do is to pray pray and pray.
hoping god will ans my prayers.
i don even know if i could forgive myself not thinkin about if the rest can forgive me.
i may be a nuisance to u guys but all i wan is everyone to be happy.
thats all i wish for.
believe it or not, its up to u.
im seriously very lost now.
very very upset.
extremely.
i wished i could dig a hole and hide my head in there.
cos i would not like to face the reality anymore.
not even for another second.
til now i donno y i need to help u to settle the misunderstanding.
tellin u to be sensitive.
i told u to be sensitive cos i don wan u to hurt her.
i don like seeing her to be so upset or affected by u.
but yet i seem to be creating chance for u indirectly.
im the worst person on earth.
i should be shot down by lighting.
really hate myself.
fuck.
tellin u to be sensitive.
i told u to be sensitive cos i don wan u to hurt her.
i don like seeing her to be so upset or affected by u.
but yet i seem to be creating chance for u indirectly.
im the worst person on earth.
i should be shot down by lighting.
really hate myself.
fuck.
posted by RaChEw @ Sunday, October 18, 2009
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