rainy days
rain rain n rain. been rainin these days. haiZ. currently feelin damn down. been thinkin about mani things these days. many many things happened. cass's bro fell down from the flyin fox n broke his shoulder. it was a fuckin 4 meters high! but tt fuckin sch like don wanna take the responsibility. i seriously think the sch should pay for her bro medical fees n tt cass should at least bring it up to MOE. of cos i agree tt she should sue the sch! haha! if tt happens to my bro*choy* i will definitely sue tt sch man!o ya. today is my dearest da jie's bdae. though u donno abt my blog, i sincerly wish u a heppy bdae. may all ya dreams come through! i realli miss u loads. i miss those time when u treat mi to movie, the times we had our practice for our concert, the times in long john silver, the times when we had scoldin from u n mr fong, the times when we were preparin for our syf, the times when u drive us home n the times when u listen to mi. u r realli a good listener. i din imagine myself to have such a good bond with a teacher. never once were u my form teacher nor any subject teacher. i merely c u once a week for handbells session. i realli think u r a great one. it's been 7 long yrs. u r always listenin to mi whinnin n u r always guidin mi. fr0m being single, i c u to gettin married n now in the motherhood. now tt u r a mother i oso cant bother u too much but i jus wanna tell u i appreciate everthin tt u had done for mi.
there was this day when one of my fren asked mi about pepper n E-No. haiZ. made mi think loads of things. seriously, i realli miss them loads. esp pepper. he has been with us for 8 yrs n he left without lettin mi see him the last chance. i don have the chance to bid goodbye to him. he was jus so fine until 3 days before my departure to korea. yes. i know everyone will b blamin mi for puttin him into the boardin even though he was sick. but do i have a choice? N-O no. i dont! before my departure, my dad n i brought him to the mount pleasant. he was put under a 30 min drip n the vet claim that he would b fine in a few days.
after hearin it, we were much relieved. 4 hours before our departure, i personally sent pepper down to the pet boardin. the person in charge assured us that he will feed pepper his medicine regularly n even told us that he will bring pepper to the vet if his conditions deteriorates. before leavin, pepper was lyin down on the floor. he realli look very sick. he muz b thinkin y are we leavin him all alone when he is sick. i can feel all the pain in him. i prayed for pepper every single day. prayin hard for his recovery and that when im back he will be save and sound.
however. the very next mornin after i touched down, i called the pet boardin. the person in charge spoke to mi. he told mi that he is very sorry to say that pepper passed away on the nite when we put him there. it was on the 7 dec 2002. it was it the morning. the moment i heard tis piece of news, my heart sank. it was as if it sank very deeply. i immediately broke down. thereafter i asked, so wat did u do with the body? and the person replied that he threw it into the trash. damn. i was too sad to quarrell with that person. my parents saw mi cryin n asked mi wat happened n i told them everythin. they wanted very much to scold the person in charge for the way he disposed pepper's body. but the person did so as he cant contact us. none of us expected such things to happen.
nobody knew the exact way of how pepper was disposed. i know pepper muz b blamin mi for all these that happened. he was so fed up with mi for leavin him all alone when he was ill that he din give mi the chance to bid goodbye to him. i realli wanted to apologise to him but there is nth i can do. til now i still cant accept the fact tt he is dead. i realli longed to hear his barkin whenever i open my door. seein the way he asked for food. every monrin after his death, it seems like smt is missin. i would always stroke him before leavin for sch but after his death, there was no more fencin to the balcony. i cant c him waggin his tail and c his 'smile'. i realli hated the pet boardin for dumpin his body to the garbage.
everyone started askin mi how's pepper. i din tell mani abt pepper's death. but soon E-No came about. i din dote him as much as pepper. sometimes E-No realli made mi hated him. cos he always bit mi. n he don not realli listens to mi. as for pepper, he was closest to mi n he will do watever i say. but i onli hated eno for all his bittin. as a puppy, he urinates everywhere. it makes my whole balcony stinks. my dad was too fustrated n wanted to give him away. he asked mi for permission but i refused. after sometime of persuation, i realli had no choice but to agree.
i decided to give E-No up is not because i hated him. but is b'cos i don realli have the time to train him to look after him. last yr after my O levels, i was buZy workin. i had no choice. it was the sales period n on most days, i had to work either full shift or afternoon shift. i reached home at midnite.by then everyone was asleep so was Eno. so everythin was cleared up. on tis particular nite, i reached home n found E-No missin. that nite my family members were already fast asleep. i couldn't wake my dad up. he din even tell mi that he was givin eno away on tt day. he should have at least informed mi. so i could b home tt nite to c Eno one last time. but he din! i was damn pissed off with him n i didnt tok to him for 2 consective weeks. again i tot i could accept the fact tt E-No is now gone. but no! after controllin for quite some time i broke down. i missed him. i missed the way he jumps whenever he sees mi, his barkin n his bittin.
i called lala after tt n told her tt E-No's gone. i was sad. but at least i had someone to turn to when eno was gone. as for pepper's case, i had no one to tok to. who can i tok to at tt period of time? i may look fine on appearance. but tt's all fake. everyone hated pepper. my sec sch mates said tt he was far too naughty n noisy. one of my fuckin fren even said tt its better tt i don have a dog. so she could come over to my place more frequently. for ya info, she tt bitch. i very much wanted to scold her. how could she say such a thing? everyone of my frenz knew tt pepper n Eno was my life n yet she said tt it's good tt pepper is gone.
i cant tell bing as she was afraid of pepper. i cant tell lala cos we werent close at all at tt time. i cant tell joanna as we werent on good terms at tt time. i couldn't tell naga as we broke frenship. so i was like sufferin in my own world. i had no one to confind in. i realli didnt know wat to do. i told my parents i was fine but am i realli fine? no one knows the ans. when E-No came, tt bitch even said jack russell sux. i was damn pissed. cant she watch her words? its my house n not hers. lin was happi for mi as i told her i had a new puppy. she wanted to come up to my house n c but her dad was waitin for her so she cant. til now i realli missed them. esp pepper. their pictures are always on my table. haiZ.
enough of pepper n Eno. these few days, it has been rainin non stop. the weather was great but had spoilt mani plans of everyone's. met up with bing on fri. the both of us dine in at ding tai feng. food was great. shopped a little n headed home as she needa meet her bf. it was damn difficult to contact lala since the new yr started. was supposed to meet up with her today but she had her family day. so it was cancelled. we r meetin tis fri for our hair to b done. n sat for our shoppin of cny clothes. i realli donno if we can get out things as time is realli runnin out. sat she's havin her cheer til 5. so i doubt tt i will b able to buy anythin. so i hope there will b no more distrubtions.
beggarsect, the 3rd day of cny is confirmed. tml will b gettin my sm results. well. i know i wont do well. watever. am so not in the mood to think of it. mani mani things botherin mi. guess its goanna b a very bad yr for mi ahead. haiZ. im very afraid history of broken frenship will repeat. mani things r lookin the same. but tt person assured mi tt it wont happen between us. i reall donno. if i were to have another frenship prob, i will realli lose faith in all my frenz. i realli do hope things will turn out fine. pls don ask who is tt person. thank you. there r mani broken frenship last yr.
the very first one was with naga, thereafter comes my 3 buddies. wee kwan, wei keat n rodney. though we still chat online, but it's like our bond is no longer there. then came tt bitch. i broke frenship with her but tt was with no regrets. afterall i still treat naga, wee kwan, wei keat n rod as my frens. but i will nv forgive tt bitch. sometimes i realli feel tt whenever i need ppl to chat with but somehow i cant find any. i cant bother bing as she is always buzy workin n she needa acc wei xiong. i cant bother lala too much as i had already bothered her far too much. she's always buzy with her cheer, her sch work, her sch activities, with kent n her family. therefore i cant realli bother her. her hp is also frequently on silent mood n i cant contact her. haiZ. i cant bother nana tt much as she slps quite early n she don realli know my frenz. i cant bother peiye as she is always so buzy with her joel. i cant bother qing as she has tonnes of projects to be done. i realli donno who can i confine in when i need them. all those mentioned above are all my best buddies. i realli donno. can someone pls teach mi? haiz. am realli realli feelin down. i realli donno wat to do. feel like breakin down.
currently chattin with qian mei online. she realli made mi recall of the days in 2004. tt day after the meet up with bing, she oso made mi think of 2004. i realli missed those time. they both made mi think of the slackers. realli missed the fun we had. our daily lunch at yoshinoya, our seoul-gardenin, our crazy nick names n etc. mani mani things. soon after we left northbrooks, everyone seems to b missin. i realli miss wai kiat's moo-in n rachew-in, jia chee's askin of wanna go to yoshinoya, bing's go la. go n eat tgt. lala's huh? yoshinoya again!!!, qing's steadiness, moo's fav beef bowl n benny's silly actions. whenever i pass by yoshinoya, flaskbacks always reminds mi of the times when we occupy 10 seats, the time when we quarrelled with the ppl at yoshinoya n the time when we quarrelled with the photo shop. the time when we were havin fun cookin the food, benny's egg with prawns, our competition of eatin prawns n rejectin ppl who wanna jio ***.
well. enough of all these. haiz. i jus asked if bing wanna go watch fire crackers with mi on 28 jan. but she cant. lala said c first. i know nana sure cannot. i understand. cos it's family day. but i realli hope to watch the fire crackers with my beggarsect n slackers. haiz. i know tis is impossible. nvm. feelin blue. haiZ. i realli donno y whenever my bdae is nearin, i always feel tt im losin my frenz. is tt a gift for mi? haiZ. i realli donno. i hope nth will happen to our frenship. though i know u don visit my blog but i am realli afraid tis frenship will b broken one day. last yr i din have a good bdae. it was filled with sadness. nobody knew. i din get to celebrate with my HOH last yr. but now its dispersed. well. i have no regrets for it to disperse. but i reali donno y. every yr my bdae is like shit. i realli donno if this chalet is a right or a bad choice. im realli feelin lost. am very very sad. i donno wat to do. haiz.
posted by RaChEw @ Wednesday, January 11, 2006
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